Saturday, 25 February 2012

Whoops, I've had a few beers...

I reckon it might just about be time to meet one of the chicks in this tribe.

*Queue ringmaster voice...
Sheeeeeeee's gorgeous, sheeeeeeee's funny, sheeeeeeee's clumsy
Sheeeeeeee's sometimes a slave to pre-teen hormonal outbursts....
Heeeerrrrreeeee's Ruby!

Normally this gal is as sweet as pie. A doting big sissie, a thoughtful and well mannered child, a beautiful daughter with a quick wit and an awesome amount of hilariousness. This is that Ruby.

There are times, however, that the eyes roll, the doors slam, the voice mutters and the head spins. THIS is that Ruby.

Overall though, she is one of my favourite people on the planet. As with everyone else so far, I will give you an example of a regular scenario with Madam Rubes.

So it's a Wednesday night and we have a family night out planned. We are heading down to a local club to meet some friends for dinner, one of whom is a bestie of mine who has travelled up from Sydney. As usual with these things, there are a couple of spanners thrown into the works. By the time Andy gets home from work Ivy has already fallen asleep and Cael is displaying the kind of toddler boy magic that is not really fit for public consumption. Andy suggests that just Ruby & I head down without the babies.

A night out? No babies? 
We are out the door in a cloud of smoke before the poor guy even finishes the sentence. These moments are few and far between. We have lovely time out and come home feeling relaxed and happy from our little break.

Upon our return we approach the entrance, I knock & Ruby leans forward to peer in the glass panel at the side of the door to see if Andy is coming to let us in. It is necessary, at this time, to point out that Ruby has been genetically blessed with my awesome co-ordination (*disclaimer a: there is no scientific evidence of any such genetic predisposition b: there is also NO awesome co-ordination, we can fall over in our sleep). As Ruby leans forward she somehow manages to trip, slamming her face into the glass at the same time as she emits a rather loud fart. Clutching her head, she stumbles backwards, giggling... and still farting. Our front entrance features some stepping stones and a whole bunch of pebbles so this scenario is playing out like 'smash, trip, fart, giggle, stumble, rubble, rubble, stumble, fart, giggle'. It reaches it's climax as she lands, arse up, in a huge planter that is just to the side of the entrance, still giggling and occasionally letting some more flatulence escape. She becomes stuck in the planter, legs in the air and her bum kind of wedged in under the leaves of the plant as her body is basically folded in half. By this time Andy has opened the door and I am standing there bewildered at what I have just seen. It is now that Ruby pipes up, still giggling, with "Whoops, I've had a few beers." (Ruby is 10, there was NO alcohol consumed!)
Andy, still looking shocked asks "Woah. Have I just time travelled forward 10 years?"

That night, as Andy & I are trying to go to sleep, one or the other of us would burst out laughing at the memory of her giddy & stuck in the planter.
Andy exclaims "Man, if that ever really does happen, I am going to SPIN out." 

I guess time will tell.


  1. Funny and fun. sounds like you have a great kid with a sense of humour.... and a flatulence problem... love it.... thanks for your comment too, Ms Rebel. xo

  2. Oh my god I have tears in my eyes at the hilarity of that post. Funny girl. oh man.
    tripsy fall down farts. awesome

  3. Time will tell, and from the looks of it, it will be fun. :-)

    I like Ruby.